Random Stuff

Boyfriend Problems

Apparently, my boyfriend isn’t allowed to text me while he’s working on his car and his motorcycle. Plus, helping his dad fix up their house. Do you know how long it’s going to take him to do that?? All summer. I can’t text him all summer or his dad will “tell me to get out of [my boyfriend’s] life.” Well, that’s lovely. How old is my boyfriend? He turns 19 in like 3 weeks.

And he has to be in bed by 10pm. He can “check in” with me in the morning, at noon, and in the evening. Whatever checking in means.

I’ve been complaining about this a lot since I found out about 24 hours ago. And I won’t stop! It’s annoying and stupid! *sigh* But, my boyfriend “kinda agrees” with his dad. So I just have to deal with it.

Whatever.

Balls.

Maybe it’s not right, but I’m anti-social.

That means, if I don’t talk to you today, I probably didn’t talk to anyone. That means that when I’m with you and when you hug me, you’re the first person to do so all day. You’re always the last person to do so all day. That means I spent my day doing school work and talking only when necessary. That means when I only saw you for 10 minutes, you were the only person I saw today that meant anything to me.

When say you love me, you’re giving a lonely person a drug they desperately crave. When you don’t find the time to see me, I’ll never complain. When I see you for the first time in over 24 hours and it’s only for 15 minutes, it’s like the worst kind of withdrawal. Everything you are to me is there for what feels like a second. Then it’s gone and I’m alone. In a world full of people I don’t talk to. People I don’t feel close to. Far away from family and friends I grew up with. I literally have no one. So, yes. I’m sad. Yes, I get mad. Maybe it’s not right. Maybe it’s not fair. But I’m anti-social.

Maybe you don’t know what that means.

So I was watching some clips from a old comic con and I know I’m totally late but I love how some of the cast was asked if they were in a Glee Club in high school and only one of them had been (Jenna).

“Wasn’t Lea in something?”
“Yeah, Broadway.”

Ranting

Is it weird that I am annoyed at my roommate when she sneezes?

*sigh* She leaves the door open all the time and I hate the door opened…. Then people come in asking to use the microwave or looking for her. I’m not very social so this annoys me. She also acts annoyed when I listen to things without earphones but she does that ALL THE TIME!! -.-

She always goes to bed at like 10pm. I can’t go to sleep before 1am. She wakes up like at 8am and starts crunching on her stupid cereal all loudly…..-.- Then she makes all this clattering noises and I’m up with usually only somewhere around 5 hours of sleep. Then as soon as she sees me up, she turns on the lights…so I cannot get back to sleep.

She also things she owns the fricken room!! There is no room on the counter for my stuff ‘cause it’s full of her stuff! The fridge is the same thing!

/rant

She’s not actually a bad person……. Our personalities just don’t match. She talks to my boyfriend easier than she talks to me…. Which might also be part of the reason I’m annoyed at her…. I read to many FML’s about roommates and boyfriends to be particularly thrilled about this. Hahaha. Other than that, I like her as a person and envy her organizational and time management skills.

So!

Time to get emotional on you guys! Feel free to ignore this! I usually post about animes, but I’ve had what seems to be to be an emotional breakdown that’s left me with a need to tell anyone what I’ve done. Who cares what you think about me? It’s gonna feel goooood to get it off my chest.

I did a terrible thing. I went out with a guy that I sorta liked (and I knew really liked me) right after I’d broken up with a guy I really would have loved to marry. I convinced myself (that because the first relationship was long distance) that I had been over him for awhile. I wasn’t! I should have realised that when I cried for days after we broke up….but alas I’m particularly stupid. I didn’t. So I ended up hurting a very nice guy because I was stupid. He, of course, only knows part of why I broke up with him. A part I am not willing to share with the whole wide internet…but he knows that part! He doesn’t know that I’m still very much in love with my ex. Hopefully he never finds out. I think it’s better this way. I’m not planning on getting back with my ex. (I figure I’ve done enough damage! Time to move on! Give everyone a chance for a better life…and give me a chance to… I dunno. Start off new!) I’m starting college next year with no one I know following me there. So maybe things will get better there!

I’m trying really had to be upbeat about this… The end of a relationship, the acknowledgement that I’m still deeply in love with an ex, the death of my grandmother, and a few numerous trivial things have all left me pretty depressed. I even contacted my ex! I didn’t tell him a lot of what was going on… Figured he wouldn’t want to know. Actually, I contacted him on accident. Turns out, sending emails unintentionally is easier to do when you’re tired and typing on a new touch screen phone. But, regardless, he answered! We talked normally for a few days and he made dealing with my grandmother’s passing much easier (although he doesn’t know that). Then, the night after the viewing, he told me he didn’t want to talk anymore. He apparently still loves me! Why? I have no idea. I lose faith in myself by the second. So, after crying my eyes out all day, I think I finally feel like I’ve moved a centimetre towards getting over him. I hope I’ve helped him as much as he’s helped me. I think a part of me will always love him though. First true love and all.

Stupidly enough, I want to tell him to give us another try. Just one more. We could be happy. I bet my life on it…but long distance relationships won’t get miraculously easier to deal with.